Missing an old friend

Today I am missing my old friend, Blake.

Today is Blake's birthday. He was born to his mother Norma on Nov 21, 1971. He was the youngest of 7 in a blended family. Blake Douglas Grant was brought home to Romulus NY and spent his entire childhood living in one of two houses there on Main Street. At one year old his father died in a car accident. The family story goes that Blake was napping in his crib and at the exact moment of his father's death (they learned later) Blake stood up and screamed unconsolably. His father is buried in the Romulus cemetery. Blake brought me to his father's grave several times over the years. He dreamed that he would be buried there by his dad. He was close with several of his half siblings. He looked up to Scott and spoke very highly of him. Two of his sisters, Linda and Charlotte, were close to his heart growing up. His most beloved childhood friend was his pet Doberman pincher.

I met Blake in the 9th grade when our family moved from Waterloo to Romulus. This was 1985. We were more or less acquaintances through the 9th grade. In the 10th grade I had connected with a friend, Heather and we heard rumors of this guy Blake having gone through some tough stuff over the summer. There were kids picking on him and he looked alone and down. We decided to go see him in the library and "be his friends". We did and he was. Seen here...Lauretta, Heather, Blake and I- age 16ish-spent endless hours together over the next three years. Our entire high school experience was wrapped around each other. We nicked named him Butch. We went to dances together, we did sleep overs, we roller skated at the Auburn mall & saw the WWF live. We did countless concerts including Guns N Roses, Aero Smith, Metallica & Queens Ryche to name a few. We did Perkins restaurant at 2 am, Wegman's magazine isle and hollered out the car at the hotties at Hobart. We chased our crushes around.

Following graduation we did more of the same but carried on from the Community College of the Finger Lakes. We skipped many classes and went bowling or hung out by the lake or at the mall . In 1992 Blake was in hall while I gave birth to Elanee. He was there for me for 5 yrs through my first husband woes. Hes the only one to visit me after Vayda was born. He taught me the joys of pepperoni & strawberry milk, cheese in a can & Balies Irish Cream with chocolate milk. He put me though countless Disney Films & quotes from those films, re-enactments of every Queens Ryche and Maria Carey song ever made, and endless performances of new Karate moves. Not to mention relentless tacklings and molestations. But, as we agreed then, "You can't rape the willing".

After I became a Baha'i, divorced my first husband & was marrying my second. I got high and mighty I guess. I decided that I 'didn’t approve' of Blakes life style. I had had enough of his ups and downs (struggles). After he found his partner, Chris, I pushed him away. Five years were lost to this foolishness.

Then out of the blue, on my 31st birthday, the phone rang and it was Blake. I was stunned and thrilled. I was sorry for pushing him away like that and all he said was, "We all have to go through what we have to go through". From there things were back to normal. Heather, Blake and I spent the next two years in a wonderful whirl of friendship. Retta had moved to North Carolina. The two years were spent full of 3 way calls -crazy talks, Blake and I breaking into song from Moulon Rouge- "All you need is love". He called me his Grace (from Will & Grace). Our three families got together for Thanksgiving, Christmas & summer BBQs. We did the Chinese Buffet. I stroked his new fuzzy head.

All of this came to an abrupt stop one morning in January of 2003. That morning I was having computer troubles. Though I knew Blake was a work and I had never done this before, I decided to call him for help. His brother answered his cell phone. The long story short is that strong healthy Blake, for no aparent reason, had died suddenly while getting ready for work.

With his death came the end of an era of cherished friendships. I know Blake has come to visit me since his death. Though its infrequent now, I cherish this and am thankful that I have been open to these experiences. I look forward to reuniting with him.

SO-This is why I am sad today. I am being selfish longing for a good solid squeeze from his strong arms and broad shoulders. I miss my old friend and wish I could just pick up the phone & say, "Happy Birthday, Blake!"

Cool Books & Links

*Cool Books and Links*

We do a ton of reading in this house! This past school year alone Elanee has read 70 fat novels. Thats just her. Jody is an avid reader of history and therapy related topics. Ben reads all kinds of fantacy stuff and Vayda likes young adult books as well as how to's. We read 50 books to Maya Rae between July and August. I read around my interests and entertain myself while I am doing busy hands on work with audio books.

I thought I would start a list of good titles and links of interest.

LINKS

The most Awesome site on the web!- www.prettyinink.biz

Super Cool site. Its like Ebay but its all hand made craft items- www.etsy.com

I like this site for building easy web sites- www.tripod.com

To learn about the Baha'i Faith- www.us.bahai.org

Home schooling- Clothing

Home Schooling- Clothing

Ok- this is gonna start shallow and get deeper....

While we lived Ithaca we were surrounded by home schooling family's. It was easy to pick them out of a crowd because of the way they dressed! Checkers and poka dots, missed matched shoes or rain boots, striped leggings under cheata print skirts ETC!

I just could not understand why on God's green earth their parents let them dress like that. It stumped me for years. It was like a uniform of sorts I thought. It was a way of outwardly rebelling I thought. Regardless, I thought they were NUTS! Even after I started home schooling I tried to ask why oh why this is the case on an email post group but the moderator booted the post saying it was an inflammatory topic. K????

Now- flash forward a year. I get it now and they reason for this post is to inform anyone out there who has had this same question-why home schooled kids are allowed to go out in public dressed in less than socially 'normal', 'regular', 'standard' outfits.

READY for the answer????

Here it is!

IT DOESN'T MATTER- that's why!

What I learned was that not all home schooled kids dress in mixed matched clothing. Some dress just like kids in public school. I figured out the reason for the difference. The kids I have met who attended public school for a few yrs all dressed in socially 'normal', 'regular', 'standard' outfits and the kids who never went to public school dressed much more freely.

What it comes down to is that as parents we learn very quickly that when we send our 5 yr old child to public school their entire socio economic status, parenting influence and family structure will be summed up (by the adults) based on their clothing. AND- they will be tortured or worshiped (by the children) based on their clothing. So- we mothers learn to dress the kids "appropriately".

Now if the same mother never sends their child to public school she will not learn that crappy little lesson. (After all. That's not how it goes in the real world. If YOU wear some odd outfit strangers are not going to tell you look stupid. Neither will aquaitances. Maybe some 'dear' friend- but in general you will be left alone about it.)

So this home schooling mom may allow her child some freedom with clothing. What does it hurt to take your 6 yr old to the library wearing a ballerina costume and cat ears (that's Maya Rae). She's dressed. She's covered. She's happy!

Then I got to thinking....if a child is allowed such creativity and control over their person while they are little- what kind of person does that make? It seems to me that that could turn into self confidence and laid back free thinking.

Hmmmmm. :)

Home schooling- socialization

Home Schooling- socialization

Seeeee- my kids DO see other childen!

This is Elanee, Vayda & Maya Rae out with some family friends (also home schooled) - Quddus, Vahid & Ruhi as well as our neighbors Ravyn and Saige.

Ok- we all hear it. "But- what about socialization!?!" It is the most common first responce to home schooling. Guess what I have learned....its a lie! A myth. Its false. Its totally untrue that home schooled kids are lacking in social contacts. I have to say that home schooled kids are the most lovely SOCIAL kids I have ever met. They know how to relate to adults. They are kind to little kids. They enjoy their peers and dont know how to cruely exclude them. They are just flat out nice! They are the way kids- or people for that matter- are supposed to be and they didnt get that way by being locked away.

Home schooling- My Views.

Home Schooling- My Views

Because you are dying to know, I thought I would give you my 'views' on home schooling in general. I think the biggest downer about home schooling is the all or nothing attitude that is held fast by both home schoolers and public school professionals.

Let me say first off that I know I am generalizing here....

We all know there a million things wrong with America's schools. Its all over the TV as of late. The folks who have chosen public schooling as their profession feel the need to defend their decision. They work to convince parents that regardless of the issues -even dangers- of public schools, we the parents would surely damage our kids. We aren't supposed to know whats right for our kids lunch let alone for their entire education. They want us to believe that 'All schools are good enough for every kid'. I cant blame them. How do you go off to work every day and fight the up hill battle of meeting the needs of 24+ kids with varied learning styles, attention levels, issues etc if you think your cause is not worthy= "right".

Then there are the home schoolers. I have met tons of great, relaxed parents who really do take into account what is both best for and desired by their children. But, I have also met the folks who are so 'home school is the ONLY way' that they box themselves in and sell themselves and their kids short. Right now Dr. Phil is seeking out those folks. Parents who strongly feel home schooling is the only right way. I think as home schooling families we need to first take into account our own strengths and limitations. I know one lady who did great with one, then two and then was ok with the 3rd but by the time the 4th child arrived she was overwhelmed and took it out on the kids. The main problem was that she had been on a soap box about the "only right way" for 10yrs and had so much pride that she could do nothing else. She had painted herself into a corner.

So- I think that options are great! Public schools, charter schools, Waldorfs, Montisouri, Alternative schools and yes- home schools. I think giving the parent the power to trust themselves to parent their children is the best we can do.

My 2 cents ;)

Home schooling- How come?

Home Schooling- How Come?

Home Schooling. Its been a long road getting to this. I can remember way back when I was pregnant for Elanee, I picked up some books on home schooling. I thought at the time it was a great idea. Then life got bonkers. 5 yrs later I was marrying Jody and acquiring 4 step kids. All of his kids were enrolled in public school in Ithaca and doing fine academically but otherwise they were loaded with problems. Their history was...home school. Jody worked full time and his X home schooled all 4 of the kids. Because I don't want to paint an ugly picture of anyone here I will just say that there was a lot of abuse going on. The end. So- at age 26 I took these issues the kids had as proof positive that home schooled kids were whacked and it was a terrible horrible selfish thing to home school your kids. I asked Jody, "What were you thinking!?!?!" Flash back further than all that- when I was a kid my young cousins were being home schooled. My aunt would come to visit and I can now remember some tense conversation around the home schooling. "What about socialization?" my mother would say. I don't remember it all being mean or mad but I got a definite 'bad vibe' message on the topic.

So- how did I end up home schooling my kids after that? Well- When Elanee was 5 I didn't think for one second to not enroll her in public school. It just simply never occurred to me to keep her home. Right from the start she had issues. She was super smart and was reading well above grade level but she just wasn't flowing with the crowd. It never got better. There are a million details that I will spare ya but by the 8th grade I finally said enough is enough and pulled her out. By that point her anxiety was outrageous and her grades were suffering. Her slipping grades were actually the least of her issues. She was being bullied relentlessly as well. She was lying to me and to the teachers. On and on. I had toyed with the idea of pulling her in the 7th grade but didn't have the guts. Besides- this was the one kid I knew I was gonna kill if I had to deal with her all day long.

So- in Oct of Elanee's 8th grade yr (last yr) I prayed and prayed and prayed- I worried and panicked and fretted- and prayed some more. I was sooooooo scared to do more damage. I have made plenty of mistakes with my kids. I was just terrified to take this on. I didn't know what to do! So I prayed one morning in the shower. I ended up just sobbing and begging for an answer. THEN- it was like a smack in the forehead! "Call the Finger Lakes Unschoolers." That was it. Like a stamp on my forehead. The words were there and the fear left and that was that. I went and made the call and I began home schooling a week later. Yup- for real.

The first year was full of adjustments for Elanee and I. First off the public school called and harassed me. That was less than a thrill. We chose an online program http://www.globalstudentnetwork.com/ . It was $600 but it took the burden off of me to figure everything out all at once. Elanee loved it. We have figured out cheaper ways to do it now so we wont be using the program this year.

As for killing Elanee, well the exact opposite happened. I kinda figured her out. Our relationship is 100% better! That's really been the best part of all this. She's a pretty cool kid. She doesn't lie anymore and she is soooooooo much more relaxed, reliable and generally pleasant. She says she'll never go back.

So now I am home schooling Maya Rae too. She 6 and in 1st. I am psyched! She too suffered from a lot of anxiety. To make a long story short she went to school and I received weekly letters from the teacher saying that "Maya Rae is doing great" then one week to the end of school I get a note "Maya Rae is border line passing. She needs summer school." :( WHAT!?! I went in and told the teacher. No thanks. I will teach her at home. Poor kid. Jody was so angry. Says, "I feel like they broke my kid". We sent her to them fine and she came out full of anxiety and clingy and hating reading :( sigh.

At this point I wish I could go back in time and start over. I would have home schooled all of my kids from the start. Reality is that I couldn't have back then but- if I had today's wisdom and yesterdays spunk I would have ;)

What about the other kids? Well- 3 of the kids are grown and out and that leaves Ben who is in 10th. He is my step and I don't feel its my place (or my job to be quiet frank) to educated him. Besides, he's doing just fine where he is. As for Vayda...I wanna! Mainly because I miss her. She is gone so much and I think she Rocks! But- she really really does not want to. She is really into her in school social scene right now. That's ok because she's doing fine and I have my hands very full right now. If she ever came and said she wanted to come home I'd say-ok!

Rubber Stamps

This my rubber stamp company- Pretty In Ink. See my site at www.prettyinink.biz .
About 5 yrs ago I was making my own cards and a friend said, "Not for nothin, but you should see what these ladies are doing". She was talking about her neighbor ladies who were using rubber stamps from Stampin Up. I went for a visit to see what all the fuss was about. Well I was hooked. About a yr later I wanted to have some of my own art turned into stamps so I hired a seasoned stamp maker, Don Grover, to do some custom work. Upon collecting my stamps I said," I should find out how a person goes about doing making stamps". He said to come over and he'd show me how it worked. He was great. In the end he sold me some equiptment, hooked me up with his wholesalers and set me on my way. Considering he was trying to run his own business this was VERY generous. So- I was on my way. When 911 happened I was providing day care for toddles 50 hrs a week and I was fried. I realized that day that life is way too short to be miserable so I quit my day care job and went into the rubber stamp business full time. Now I have realized my dream of owning my own little shop in my home as well as an Ebay store, Etsy store and successful web store. I have about 1500 of my own designs and I do lots and lots of custom work.

The Baha'i Faith

The Baha'i Faith

Our Family is Baha'i. I converted to Baha'i 12 yrs ago. I was raised going to Methodist and Presbyterian churches. Though we went to church pretty regularly throughout my junior high and high school yrs we didn't practice much at home. It was just something we did on Sunday. All the while however, I had this amazing friend, Lauretta. She was being raised Baha'i in a huge family. All of her friends were Baha'i. Through the many yrs of hanging out with Rett I got a healthy dose of the Faith. Even with these forces in play, when I was 19 ish I would confidently say that I didn't believe in God. It was after the birth of my first daughter and a separation from her father that knocked me on my butt that caused me to question my beliefs. I began looking around for the 'right' answers. I started visiting churches on Sundays. I figured Christianity had to be the 'right' choice. After all there was a church literally on every corner in my town. I did this for about two yrs. I settled into an Episcopal church as they had provided 'moms day out' gatherings each month. So- it was one Sunday morning in the middle of services there that I stood up in worship along with the crowd and was bopped on the head with the realization that I was a Baha'i! Yep. That's how it happened. I went home and called my dear friend, Rett, and asked "how do I become a Baha'i ?" She about fell out of her chair! :)

As a result of this conversion, I met my current husband. He was brought to the Faith through his first wife and had long been a Baha'i. He was also the only other Baha'i in my town. So we met and the rest is history.

After all these yrs I still love the Faith. I have had my ups and downs spiritually. The reason the Faith is so dear to me is because of its drive for Unity. Unity of all the world's religions, unity of the human race, unity of the sexes. You don't have to hate anyone to be a Baha'i. Its ok to love. You don't have to be perfect either. As my husband says- to become a Baha'i doest mean you have reached a destination (perfection) but rather that you agree to get in the car and go for the ride.

In this months Mother Earth News there was a large add for the Baha'i Faith. Here is the official site for the United States. www.us.bahai.org its worth checking out.

Home-steading- Gardening

Gardening

Gardening was never my 'thing'. I always associated it with grandma's. While we still lived in Ithaca, I gave a tomato garden a try. Planted too many and harvested few. My neighbors tomatoes flourished. I was bummed. We moved and I tried again with a wide row/ mound technique and failed...ugh. I didn't know I had to add compost etc to make it go. I was just mounding spent dirt.

Then last yr I saw the above picture on the web and I got inspired! I had a dozen gigantic and freakin heavy tractor tires delivered to my yard. Both my mother and my husband looked at me cross eyed for this stunt. I spent a few weeks mastering the saws-all and opening each tire up. Bout vibrated my arm off. I moved the tires into neat rows of 4.

Then I ran in circles collecting free manure from here and there. I shoveled each and every scoop of compost and manure into my 15 passenger van then out of the van and into the tires. Serious hard core labor!

Then I planted. It wasn't long before I saw amazing results. I have never seen tomatoes so big! The great thing about this method is that once its set up its unbelievably easy. There is virtually no weeding and a lot less bending.

This year is the second yr with the raised beds and there was virtually no prep before planting. All I did was take our home supply of composted manure from the bins and top off the tires and stir. I planted directly into the beds with milk jug hot caps and am wildly successful. This yr I opted to mulch around the tires just for pretty sake. We also added 4 long narrow beds for collards, kale, spinach and strawberries. For these we just outlined our bed with bricks and dumped in compost. There were more weeds with these but still very successful. I would totally recommend these raised tire beds.

Home-steading- Canning

Canning

Canning is a great thing! This image is not my root cellar but its my dream cellar :) I started canning 3 yrs ago and what a mess I made. lol. The next yr I managed to create some eatable jam. This year I am rockin!
So for this season I have put up...
30 pints of zucchini relish- my aunt Helen turned me on to this delight- we planted the zuc last yr .
55 pints of navy beans, black eyed peas and black beans- I buy them dry and make them up all at once. I know I could just make them as I need them but I am too much of an impulse cook for that. They work out to about 15 cents per pint.
52 pints of jam- strawberry and blue berry from U-pick farms and rasberry from the produce auction in PenYan. They work out to about $1.45 per pint. I pay about $3.29 for a comparable product at a local market so that's a deal.
69 qts of salt potatoes. These were from the auction. I way over paid but they worked out to .75 cents per quart anyway. Not too bad.

36 Quarts of chicken soup using our old laying hens.

24 Quarts of collards. I find that no one around here eats collards. Guess its more of a southern food. I learned to like collards from an African American catering group out of Ithaca. I use them hidden in chili & sauce. They are a good source of leafy greens and they grow great here.

48 pints of tomato soup. My goal is actually 100 or more. We can eat a lot of this yummy stuff. This year with Maya Rae being home schooled I figure we are gonna be looking at a lot of soup for lunch around here. She thinks that's a great idea. I am getting the tomatoes from our garden.

If and when I finish the soup I will be moving on to 52 quarts of spaghetti sauce, some pizza sauce and a little catsup. By that time I should be able to lay my mits on some free apples and get moving on apple sauce and apple rings....maybe a little juice. And...if there is any spunk left in me I want to make some half pint jars of rice pudding for Jody.

Home-steading- Chickens

Chickens on the Homestead

Chickens are the easiest thing in the world. You can confine them or free range them and they are simply a joy. Well unless they are eating your garden..lol. They will eat all of your kitchen scraps and never complain. They are the only critter that rewards you daily while you lazy about. A fresh egg is a lovely thing.

Home-steading- Goats

Goats
Great Goats! Goats where my first choice following chickens for a homestead animal. I chose several Saanen does to start us out. What an adventure! We learned soooooooo much from the goats. We learned to milk for starters. We learned hoof care, coat care, how to build a decent fence. We learned how to assist in birthing. That was great for all of us. We learned how to give shots and to castrate and band horns. The fresh raw milk was just awesome!!!

We had goats for 2 yrs. I decided to get out of goats just because of the level of work involved. The twice a day every day thing was a bit much for me. It was tough to pass them along. I know they are all receiving great care in their new homes but we still miss them.

Home-steading- Cows

The Cow

Now- on the day I brought home a whole cow we knew we had crossed a line. :) You can call yourself whatever you want when you own a handful of chickens, a rabbit or two and even a few goats but....when you are carrying an 80lb calf across your back yard you are definitely a crazy old homesteader!

that's what I did last spring. I went to a local large animal auction and bought a critter that looked healthy enough to my untrained eye. Cost me $38. Brought him home and set him down. Then I ended up carrying him across the yard! Then I learned the art of bottle feeding a snot nosed cow. Wow. Took a few days of being slimed from top to bottom and socked in the eye with a wet nose that felt like a jello fist I got the hang of it. We still have that critter a yr later. He's about 600lbs now. I have learned to casterate and run electric fencing thanks to him. About two weeks ago we repeated the pattern. So right now we have a big ol cow and a cute little calf.

I think the cows are the easiest thing next to chickens believe it or now. They don't ask for much and they are quiet and smell ok too. The best part is that for $0.32 a pound for processing they will fill or freezer with grass fed beef. Pretty cool!

Home-steading- Rabbits

Rabbits


Rabbits! I love rabbits. We have 5 does and a buck and varied #s of babies at any given time. I think they are a delight to watch. The kids and I built our rabbit/ hen houses and run. We have soggy land so the plan was to get them up off the ground. We created the building from recycled barn wood and economy 2x4s. Cheap. One of the pics show the project half done and one shows the buildings painted barn red.

We have had mixed luck with the rabbits. We have managed to put many in the freezer. We do like the meat but feel that its not much different than chicken. From what I can figure its a lot cheaper to raise a broiler sized chicken and they are a lot sturdier too. We may keep a few of the does for decoration and entertainment but I think I am rethinking these critters.

Just too cute to eat anyway.

Home-steading- How come?

Homesteading? How Come???

Home steading is my way of life. Money drove the train for me. After creating a family of 9 I found that it was too hard to live life in the middle. Ya know...soccer mom, kids in lessons, fancy tags on their shirts, two incomes etc. It kind of came to me all at once after yet another finacial struggle...that with 7 kids we were living kind of an 'old fashioned' life style. After all, its not really the norm to have beyond 2-3 kids these days. But, we were trying to stuff ourselves and these kids into the rat race box and it just wasn't working at all. So one day I decided to make a plan. It started with a few chickens.....otherwise known as 'free' eggs...and it went from there.
Here are our very first chicks. I was freaked right out that I had to buy 25 chicks all at once! BUT, I figured that if this crazy idea didn't work I could always put a sign out front that said, " Free Chickens". These ladies have since grown up and most have moved into the soup pot.

Step Families

Ohhhhh the joy of step families!

Well they are what they are. A mashing together of numberous different minds with their varied baggage. Jody calls us- Marbles in a can.

When I met Jody through the Faith I was still married to my two older girls' father. Jody had been divorced a year. Jody and I were acquaintances for a yr or so and after my marriage split I looked him up. It was another year until our wedding day. You can tell how much I love Jody. He was a single dad of 4- that's right four- full time kids. I was twenty six and had been a mom for all of 5 yrs. Combined we had kids aged 15, 13, 10, 6, 5 & 3. Two years later we added an "ours" to the 'yours and mine' senerio. We spent several years running kids to and from various visitations and juggling the needs of angry teens and cuddly school agers. We are 9 yrs into it and now have just 4 kids at home. Things are a lot calmer though we still experience big bumps.

Knowing what I know now...would I do it all over. No way! I would just kid nap Jody and run far away! Would I recommend doing the blended thing? Never! Its a hard road and I am not sure there is any winning in the end. All I can say is that I figure if 4 out of 7 of them come back for Thanksgiving when their grown- then we did alright. We'll have to see how that all turns out. In the mean time, we keep doing our best.

This picture was taken two yrs ago when the oldest came home for a visit.